Testimony: “We are in the middle of Oedipus … and it’s rifle!”

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Jessica: Pregnant, mom of Jules, 11, Elsa, 9, and Roman, 3 and a half.

 

"I explain to him that we cannot get married."

“My son is completely in the Oedipus complex! Roman is three and a half years old. Every day, he looks at me transfixed with love, takes my face in his hands and makes fiery statements to me. I am the love of his life! He makes Machiavellian plans for me to marry him. For example, last week I was at a restaurant with him and his older brother. He looked at the waitress (very pretty) for a moment and said: ” Oh look, she’s beautiful. Dad could marry her. You will be sad. But like that, we can get married both! “Or, he said to me very seriously:” I spoke with dad, he agrees that we get married together, you and me. “In the evening, when my husband comes home, Roman scowls:” Why is he coming home? “. While in reality, he adores his father, he is very attached to him! But it’s true that with me, it’s special.

My two oldest were different

I did not experience the same thing with my two oldest children, a girl and a boy. They had phases that were a bit “stuck” to me, more my daughter than my eldest son, but no more than that. Myself, I don’t remember having “made an Oedipus” when I was little, with my father. Or with my mother! I remember I was completely desperate that we would ever be separated. I asked her to marry me so that we always stay together. When my son tells me he wants me to be his wife, and he wants a kiss on the mouth, I think it’s pretty cute. Sometimes, I respond to his kiss with a little smack, while explaining to him that we will not be able to get married. I tell him that I am already his daddy’s wife. Or that mothers cannot marry their children, as in the song from Peau d’âne. But I can see that I am breaking his heart by telling him that. It’s hard !

Roman is still a big baby!

When we’re all together as a family and Roman gives me a passionate statement or I kiss him, my husband steps in. It annoys him anyway, he tells himself it’s important to say no. But deep down, we both know it’s not going to last. Me, anyway, I really don’t care. I am expecting my fourth child. I am in the last month of my pregnancy. We don’t know yet if it’s going to be a boy or a girl. I know this causes a lot of worry in children. All I can see is that my son is growing up well: he goes to school, has made a lot of friends. It’s a phase, not all children go through it, but for me, it’s still a big baby! ” l

Blogi: http://serialmother.infobebes.com/

Marina: Mom of Juliana, 14, Tina, 10, Ethan, 8, and Léane, 1.

 

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" With Ethan, we immediately merged."

“We are still in the middle of Oedipus, when my son is 8 years old! There, he just came back from the garden with a flower and gave it to me, saying “Would you marry me ?“Now I answer with a laugh and he understands that it is not possible. But this has not always been the case ! The Oedipus complex started around 2 and a half years old and it was really strong. As soon as he could speak a little, Ethan, my third child (and first boy) made declarations of love to me. I had the right to “Mum, I love you”, then very quickly “Mum, you are my wife”. He offered me rings that he would look for in my jewelry to prove his love to me. He drew hearts with everything: his mash, jam… going so far as to cut pancakes in the shape of hearts that he offered me. I found it so cute when he was little. It’s true that this immense love I felt for him was mutual, so I didn’t see the harm. I told her that I loved her too, but that I was already married to her daddy. He replied “It’s okay mom, I can share”.

He tells his father that I’m his wife

Ethan always told his sisters and his father that I was his wife. It made my husband laugh who said: “It’s true, I’ve already shared you with mom since you were born, so we can continue!”And it’s true, since its birth, we are very close. Is it because I lost my first baby boy at 6 months pregnant? When I knew I was expecting a boy after my two daughters, I framed the ultrasound. I had placed her next to my bed and talked to her every day. When he was born, we immediately merged. I breastfed him for 3 and a half years and we “codotated” until he was 18 months old. He wasn’t sleeping on the mattress but on me. I was his mattress! Ethan touched my stomach, my breasts, he constantly needed physical contact to reassure himself. My husband found it very cute, he is very understanding. He preferred to sleep on the living room couch when Ethan was in our bed. Fortunately, Ethan fell asleep alone, I could join my husband to have a night between lovers.

 

Last year I had a daughter, phew!

Ethan would have fits if he couldn’t come with me when I was going out. My entourage found that he was too stuck, that it was not good for his development. I didn’t really know. I grew up in a family of six with two brothers who, even today, are stuck with my mother: one lives with her, the other often eats there, even though they have families! I realize that this fusional love does not always help them. So I explained to Ethan that he was going to sleep in his own bed from now on. I also told him that daddy’s place was in his bed, with mum. He understood immediately and lived it well. On entering school, he became a bit sleepwalking and still looked for my presence at night. So I would walk him back to his bed and he would go back to sleep. Last year I had a baby girl. I was relieved not to have a boy. It’s so strong with my son! Ethan begins to consider having a girlfriend one day. But he also explains that he will live near us, so that I look after his children (I am a nursery assistant) and that I cook for them! Like what, it’s not completely finished! ” l

Angélique: Mum of Brayan, 5, and Keyssie, 3.

 

 
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"When we hug, our children separate us."

“I have two children, a girl and a boy. And each one makes his Oedipus with the father and me. My 3 year old daughter is her daddy’s little princess. She only sits next to him at the table. He feeds her, otherwise she won’t swallow anything, like a little baby! She says her daddy is her lover. As he sometimes suffers from migraines, she prepares him little potions with her dinette, trying to treat him, or she puts her little hands on his forehead… It’s too cute!

It doesn’t worry me, although I know it shouldn’t last!

 

My son does the same with me. He spends his time following me: in the kitchen, he prepares the coffee for me, he does the dishes or helps me prepare the meal. Every 5 minutes, he tells me that he loves me and I have to answer “me too”, otherwise he gets angry! One day he told me bluntly: “You’re not daddy’s wife, you’re my wife!” Both of us are very close. When I was in the maternity ward to give birth to his little sister, I felt really bad to be away from him. This is the first time that we were separated for so long: 5 days! I was sick of it! Seeing our children completely glued to us and in love, it amuses us with my companion. We take it as a joke and we walk in the direction of the children. It doesn’t worry me, although I know it shouldn’t last. Finally, maybe I don’t care because it was the same with my father when I was little. I was her daddy’s little princess. My father went to sea for two weeks on the English Channel. During this time, I slept with my mother. When he came back, my mother left the bed because I wanted to sleep with him! They later divorced and my father got my custody. I was even more fused with him. Before meeting the father of my children, I went out on Fridays with my father. We had a restaurant or a cinema. People sometimes took us for a husband and wife. It made us laugh.

We ended up investing in a 2-meter bed

At night, for a long time, our son slept with us. As we had a small bed, to sleep better, my companion went to the sofa. Then we ended up investing in a double bed of two meters. Often my daughter sleeps with us. She hugs her father. During the day, when we hug with their dad, our children intervene to separate us! My daughter takes my companion and my son takes me back. They can’t stand! Still, they both have little lovers at school, but mom and dad is something else. A bit like me with my dad! It’s a special thing! Sometimes, I would like this strong attachment to diminish, just to breathe a little and be able to do things with my partner, to find our life as a couple. ” l

 

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For further :“Raising a boy, mission (im) possible!”

de Alix Leduc, Leduc.s Editions Opinions from specialists in childhood psychometrician, psychologist, pediatrician, psychotherapist, therapist, educator – to understand what is at stake, from birth to pre-adolescence of his son.

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