Meeskonnavaim: kuidas seda oma lapsesse sisendada


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The “me first” generation has a hard time taking others into account! However, empathy, collaboration, sharing, camaraderie, that can be learned, thanks to group games and board games. Our advice for your little one to play it collectively rather than personally. 

Don’t bet everything on your personal development

You adore your child and you want them to be fulfilled, to assert their personality, to express their creativity, to value their potential and to feel good about themselves. You also want him to succeed in his life, to become a fighter, a leader, and you offer him various activities to develop his performance and skills. It’s great for him! But as Diane Drory *, psychoanalyst, emphasizes: “Personal development is not enough, because the human being is a social being who thrives in contact with others and not alone in his corner. To be happy, a child needs to have friends, to be part of groups, to share values, to learn mutual aid, to collaborate. “

Encourage him to play with others

Make sure your child has plenty of opportunities to have fun with others. Invite friends over to the house by limiting the number of guests in proportion to the age of your child: 2 years old / 2 friends, 3 years old / 3 friends, 4 years old / 4 friends, so that he can manage. Take him to the park, to playgrounds. Encourage him to make friends on the beach, in the square, at the pool. Let him fend for himself if a child walks past him to get on the slide or grabs his ball. Do not systematically fly to his aid “Poor treasure! Come see mom! He is not nice this little boy, he pushed you! What a bad little girl, she took your shovel and your bucket! If you position him as a victim, you anchor in him the feeling that others are dangerous, that they do not want him well. You send him the message that nothing good will happen to him and that he will only be safe with you at home.

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Offer many board games

The battle, the lousy, the game of the seven families, the Uno, the memory, the mikado … With board games, your child will acquire the basics of life in society without you having to give him lessons. civic education. He will learn to respect the rules of the game, the same for everyone, to let the partners play and to wait patiently for his turn. In addition to patience, he will also learn to manage his emotions, not to go off his hinges when his little horse returns to the stable for the fourth time, nor to quit a game in the middle of a game because he does not. can’t make six! Children play to win, this is normal, the competitive spirit is stimulating and positive, as long as they do not systematically try to crush others, or even cheat to achieve this.

Teach him how to lose

A child who cannot bear to lose is a child who feels obligated to be perfect in the eyes of others, and in particular of his parents.. If he loses, it’s because he’s not perfect enough! He puts enormous pressure on himself and ends up refusing to confront others so as not to risk disappointing. When faced with a bad loser, don’t make the mistake of letting him win systematically to avoid any frustration.. On the contrary, let him face reality. You also learn by losing, and that gives flavor to success. Remind him that in life, sometimes we win, sometimes we lose, sometimes we succeed. Console him by telling him that the next time he may be able to win the game, it is not always the same who win.

Ask him to participate in family life

Participating in family household chores, setting the table, serving, baking a cake that everyone will enjoy, are also effective ways for a toddler to feel that he is an integral part of a community. Feeling useful, having a role in the group like the older ones is rewarding and fulfilling.

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Stay neutral when arguing with siblings

If you intervene in the slightest conflict in the siblings, if you seek to know who started it, who is the culprit, you multiply by two or even three the number of potential arguments. Indeed, each child will want to see who the parent will systematically defend, and this creates animosities between them. Keep your distance (provided they don’t come to blows, of course), just point out, “You’re making too much noise, stop the kids!” »They will then feel solidarity with each other, considering the group of children as a whole will create a bond between them, and they will form an alliance against the parent. It is healthy for children to do little silly things together and gang up against parental authority, it is the normal conflict of generations.

Organize group games

All team games, team sports, are perfect opportunities to learn collaboration, to discover that we depend on each other, that we need others to win, that there is strength in unity. Do not hesitate to offer your little one ball games, football matches, rugby, prisoner ball games or hide-and-seek, treasure hunts, croquet or boules games. Make sure that everyone is on a team, remember to value those who are never chosen, to balance the forces involved. Stop the best from coming together to win. Help the children understand that the goal of the game is to have fun together. And if we win, that’s a plus, but that’s not the goal!

Help him adapt to the group, not the other way around

Today, the child is at the center of parental gaze, at the center of the family, he is experienced as unique. Suddenly, it is no longer he who must adapt to the community, but the community that should adapt to him. The school is par excellence the outdoor place where the child is one among others. It is in class that he learns to be part of a group, and each parent would like the school, the teacher, the other children to adapt to their child’s particularities. As the children are all different, it is impossible! If you criticize the school, if you get into the habit of blaming the education system and the teachers in front of it, your child will feel that there is a parent / child alliance against the school system, and they will lose this unique opportunity. to feel adapted and integrated into the group of children in his class.

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Familiarize him with the notion of chance

Confronting your child with the existence of chance is important. He will not always be able to draw the right cards in the game of seven families, he will never make six when you chain them! Explain to him that he does not have to feel lessened, that he does not have to make a drama of it, that it is not because the other is better that he gets there, no, it it is just chance and chance is sometimes unfair, like life! Thanks to the board game, your child will learn that his self-esteem does not depend on the dice he throws or his performance, losing or winning has no consequences on himself. We have not lost something of our being when we lose! Ditto in the restaurant, there may be more fries or a bigger steak on his brother’s plate. It is not directed against him, it is chance. You will help him to relativize his possible failures vis-à-vis others by introducing him at random.

Confront him with injustice

Many parents strive to be perfectly righteous to their children. For some, it even turns into an obsession! They make sure to cut the same piece of cake for everyone, to the nearest millimeter, count the fries, and even the peas! Suddenly, the child considers that as soon as there is injustice, there is harm to the person. But sometimes life is unfair, that’s how it is, sometimes he has more, sometimes he has less, he has to live with it. Ditto with team games, the rules are the same for everyone, we are on an equal footing but the result is different for everyone. But point out to your child that the more you play, the more opportunities to win!

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