Should we get involved in children’s arguments?

Ouch, you will have to take your pain patiently, “fights between brother and sister are inevitable and even necessary,” confides the specialist. Through their arguments, the children express dissatisfaction and seek their place within the family. ” Bickering is kind of bad for good! But you also have a role to play. “Parents’ intervention is important so that children do not get locked into their quarrels, do not get damaged and benefit from them,” she explains. Of course, it’s not about rushing at the slightest cry, but some situations require your intervention.

Protect him from blows and bruises to the soul

When to get involved in your arguments? When the limits are exceeded and one of the toddlers risks being injured physically or mentally (by insults). “The construction of his personality and self-esteem also go through the relationship that we have with his brothers and sisters, we must be careful that a child does not feel belittled”, adds the psychotherapist. Why is it so important to interfere in their stories? Failure to intervene is seen as approval and risks locking children into a role that does not suit them. Results: the one who always wins the argument feels authorized to act in this way, he is in a position of dominant. The one who comes out loser each time, feels condemned to play the submissive.

A role of mediator

“Better to avoid the position of judge who will take sides. It is more important to listen to children, ”advises Nicole Prieur. Give them the floor to put words to their argument, with each toddler listening to the other. Then it’s up to you to lay down rules (typing, insulting, etc.) Show them the positive side of peaceful relationships. Recall the moments of complicity that they happen to have.

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Of course, not everything is resolved with a wave of a magic wand and you will have to start over a few days later.      

How to deal with your child’s arguments?

Managing arguments with your boyfriend at school …

The catch is, you are not there when the crisis hits and you will learn the whole story when your child comes home from school with sad eyes. A few ways to comfort him:

Listen to his fears (losing his boyfriend, no longer being loved …), play down the situation, reassure him and restore his confidence: “just because a friend lets you down doesn’t mean you’re not somebody. one of good. You have lots of good qualities and other people like you. ” It’s up to you to make him understand that arguments are the hazards of camaraderie and that we do not lose a friend because we quarreled with him.

Léa is still arguing with the same girlfriend. Why not expand your circle of friends? Without clearly telling him the purpose of the maneuver, you can suggest extra-curricular activities. In this way, she will meet new children and realize that she is able to live satisfying relationships with other people.

… and at home

You have organized a great birthday party with garlands, fishing for gifts… But, after only five minutes, Mathéo is already arguing with one of his boyfriends. Reason for disagreement: your toddler refuses to lend his helicopter (even if the object of the crime was at the bottom of the toy box and your child did not want to have fun with it!) It’s up to you to lay down the rules and show him that sharing has good sides. You can also try a well-known tactic: to divert their attention from the object of the argument. “Ok you don’t want to lend him your helicopter but what toy are you ready to leave him?”, “What do you want to play with him?”… If your child has more “the soul of an ant”, prepare the ground a few days before the party, by asking him to put aside the toys that he will absolutely not want to lend and those that he can leave with his little friends for an afternoon. A good initiative to limit the sources of conflict.

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No question of dramatizing! Arguments are positive for your toddler: they help him socialize, get to know himself better … And they even have an advantage for you (yes, yes, believe us!), They teach you … patience! And that is an invaluable asset for parents.

Et lugeda


“Stop arguing! “, Nicole Prieur, ed. Albin Michel

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