Psühhovanem: kuidas leida oma lapsega harmooniline suhe?


A well-being session to rebalance a fusional-reaction relationship between a mother and her daughter, recounted by Anne-Laure Benattar, psycho-body therapist, with Katia, a 7-year-old girl.

Anne-Laure Benattar receives today Katia and her mother. Since the birth of the little girl, they have been very close, but their relationship deteriorated with the arrival of a second child. Katia is often aggressive towards her mother and oscillates between moments of rapprochement and intense arguments.

Practical case

Anne-Laure Benattar: Can you tell me how you feel when you are with your mom?

Sulge: Sometimes I love her when we do things together or she reads me a story. And sometimes I hate her when she takes too much care of my little brother, so I get angry!

A.-LB: It’s not easy to find your place with the arrival of a little brother. Yet your mom has a lot of love for you both, even though your little brother needs more attention right now. Do you want to draw a picture?

Sulge: Oh yes, I love to draw! My mom and me?

A.-LB: Yes, that’s it, you can draw yourself by making two stick figures for the body and the arms and a circle for the head. Then, you write your first name and the initial of your name under your drawing and that of your mom under hers.

Sulge: Here it is, it’s done and now, what do I do?

A.-LB: You can surround each character with a circle of light, and also another larger circle for both of you that symbolizes your love. Then you draw 7 links in the form of lines between you with colored pencils: from the lower back to his, then another of your kidneys to his, then from your belly to his belly, from your heart to his heart , from your throat to his, from the middle of your forehead to his, and from the top of your head to his.

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Sulge: Oh okay, does that mean we’re tied up? And the colors, how do I do it?

A.-LB: Yes, that’s it, it corresponds to your attachment. For the colors, you can do like a rainbow, starting with red at the bottom, and working your way up to the head with purple at the top. Then you cut the sheet in half with a pair of scissors to remove the negative links. You are freed from tensions, there is only love!

TRICK : When the problem persists, it is possible to work with the concerned parent who may have in his personal history or in his past with his child, elements explaining the nature of this relationship. If necessary, it is often necessary to resolve them in order to find harmony in the relationship.

Children sometimes express symptoms of issues related to their parents’ history.




This exercise proposed by Jacques Martel, Canadian psychotherapist, allows to release toxic bonds, while maintaining the relationship of love. It can also be done between two siblings, or any other duo with significant tensions.



In order to find a new place, creating specific moments to share as a couple like “before”, allows you to have a good time and forge new bonds.


To promote understanding of reactions and clarify misunderstandings, we encourage people to verbalize the feelings felt when the tension has subsided.




The therapist’s explanation

When a fusional relationship is established with the birth of the first child, the arrival of a second child, or the evolution of this child towards greater autonomy, can disrupt the bond. The relationship then becomes fusional-reactional.

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In this case, it is necessary for the child and for the mother to find a new place in relation to each other, in order to remain close while allowing each to move towards greater autonomy.

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