Ainuke laps: lõpetage eelarvamused


Choosing to have only one child is a deliberate choice

Some parents limit themselves to one child because of financial constraints, and in particular because of a lack of space in their accommodation, especially in large cities. Others make this decision because they themselves have a difficult relationship with their siblings, and do not want to reproduce this pattern for their child. There are as many motivations as there are parents. However, the majority of single children remain so by force of circumstance, because of an illness, a problem of sterility, infertility, or, more often, the divorce of their parents.

Only children are too spoiled

We often tend to explain the selfishness of a little one by the fact that, precisely, he is an only child and that he is therefore not used to sharing. We must also recognize that some parents feel guilty for not having given a brother and sister to their offspring and are thus tempted to pamper them too much to compensate. However, there is no specific psychological profile for single children. Generous or egocentric, it all depends on their history and the education given by their parents. And generally speaking, most children are extremely fulfilled in material terms these days.

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Only children have a harder time making friends

Alone with both parents, an only child actually spends much more time surrounded by adults and some therefore sometimes feel out of step with peers their age. However, again, it is impossible to generalize. In addition, nowadays, more than 65% of women work *. Children thus begin to frequent others from an early age through the crèche or the day-care center, and very early on have the possibility of establishing contacts outside their family. On your side, don’t hesitate to invite his friends over to the house on weekends, to spend the holidays with his cousins ​​or the children of friends, so that he gets used to establishing exchanges with others.

* Source: Insee, Long series on the labor market.

Unique children receive more love than others

Unlike children who grow up surrounded by siblings, an only child actually has the advantage of having both parents’ attention focused on them alone. He doesn’t have to struggle to get it and therefore no reason to doubt their love, which allows some to gain strong self-esteem. However, again, nothing is systematic. There are also only children whose parents do not have time to take care of and who feel neglected. In addition, being the center of the world also has its bad sides because the child then concentrates all parental expectations on himself, which puts more pressure on his shoulders.

Unique children perform better in school

No study has ever been able to show that only children do better than others academically. Nonetheless, generally speaking, it is true that the elders of the family are often more brilliant than the next children, because they benefit from all the parental attention. Faced with a single child, parents are indeed more dogmatic and demanding with regard to school results. They also invest more in correcting homework and engage their child more frequently on an intellectual level.

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Only children are overprotected

It must indeed be recognized that parents of only one child often find it difficult to realize that their “little one” is growing up. They therefore risk not giving it enough freedom to flourish and take its autonomy. The child may then have the impression of suffocating or end up seeing himself as a being fragile or too sensitive. He risks later lacking self-confidence, having relationship difficulties, not knowing how to defend himself, or manage his aggressiveness.

To gain confidence and maturity, your little angel needs to have experiences alone. Something that mothers sometimes find it difficult to accept because it is also for them the symbol of the beginning of autonomy of their little one, sometimes interpreted as emotional abandonment.

Conversely, some parents tend to put him on an equal footing and elevate him to the rank of adult. Hence a feeling of responsibility for the child which can sometimes become overwhelming.

Parents of only children are frowned upon

Before birth control, parents of only one child were easily suspected of engaging in unusual sexual practices or not letting nature take its course. Having only one child was then an exception that often aroused social disapproval and went hand in hand with a bad reputation. Fortunately, this outlook has changed a lot since the 1960s. Even if the dominant ideal is still today to have two or three children, family models have diversified, especially with the appearance of blended families, and couples. with only one child are no longer exceptional.

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Only children find it harder to cope with conflict

Having siblings allows you to learn very early on to mark your territory, to impose your choices and to overcome disputes. Some only children may therefore feel helpless when they find themselves in the middle of conflicting situations or in competition with others. However, it should also be remembered here that there are no personality traits specific to unique children. In addition, the school will quickly give them the opportunity to face the competition between young people and to find their place within a group.

Jäta vastus