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“I love my husband more than my children”

Ayelet Waldman is a writer and mother of four. In 2005, she participated in the writing of the book Because I said so, in which 33 women speak about children, gender, men, their age, faith and themselves. Here is what she says:

“If I were to lose a child, I would be devastated but I can see one after. Because I would still have my husband. On the other hand, I am incapable of representing to myself existence after his death. “

A statement that scandalizes

This declaration immediately triggers a wave of indignation among mothers, who do not understand how a woman can love her husband “more” than her children. Threats, insults, calls to social services… Ayelet Waldman becomes the target of violent attacks.

The most popular of the TV hosts, Oprah Winfrey, invites her on her show to explain herself. But the debate turns once again to trial. Among the other guests, “only four were on my side, the other twenty wanted to gut me,” says Ayelet Waldman.

And you, do his words shock you? We asked mothers the question on the Infobebes.com forum…

What do the moms of the forum think about it? Excerpts

“I could go on living without my husband. »Rav511

“The words of this author shock me terribly. It’s not easy to explain… I find it terrible to say that in the end, she could live without her children, but not without her man. Personally (what I’m about to say is perhaps just as terrible!), I couldn’t survive the loss of my children, and while I love my husband, I could go on living even without him. My children are “gifts”, my husband is a “choice”. The difference may be there. But really, this kind of talk makes me jump! ”


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“When the child is born, he comes first. »Aenas

“For me, loving and educating your child is wanting to see him leave one day! I also think that the desire for a child includes a great deal of selfishness, but, once the child is born, it is he and not the narcissistic desires of the parents that come first.

As to whether or not you can overcome the loss of a child, my faith, as long as you don’t see it, you can’t say too much … “


“I would not be able to cope with the death of one of my children. »Neptunia


“Why do we always say that we do not make a child for ourselves? Basically, when you want a child, it is not to say to yourself: “Here, I am going to give life to a little being so that he can then leave me and make his own”, no. We make a child because we want a child, to pamper him, to love him, to give him everything he needs, to mother him, and not because we want him to be. ‘go after.

It’s normal for him to make his life afterwards, that’s the logical flow of things, but that’s not why we do it.

For my part, my children come before my spouse, because he is the flesh of my flesh. Of course, I would be sorry if I lost either one, but I would not be able to cope with the death of one of my children. “



“With a child, we are linked for eternity. ” Kitty2012

“My children come first! Guys, it goes, it comes, including when you think of falling on the soul mate, the father of your children and the love of your life. On the other hand, we are linked for eternity to our offspring. “



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“A mother’s heart can endure anything and forgive anything. ” vanmoro2

“As much as I love my spouse, the love I have for my son is incalculable. With my mom, we often say: “The heart of a mother can endure anything and forgive anything”. My love for my son is visceral. It is clear that for some, the love for their children is less than that for their spouse. For my part, I cannot conceive or understand it. Perhaps the past of these women explains how they feel. I would add that it is very complicated to calculate Love… ”

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